


Percentages

by cathalin



Series: Percentages [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-20
Updated: 2009-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-17 21:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/181434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathalin/pseuds/cathalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing in life is 100%.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Percentages

**Author's Note:**

> For this story to make sense, you may need to know that Adam was quoted in Rolling Stone as saying when he first met Kris and then they were assigned to each other as roomates, Adam was like, omg the only cute guy I'm actually attracted to in the competition, who is exactly my type, is my roomate. And he gave details of why Kris is his type! But then Adam said, but of course, Kris is 100% straight, and married.

Adam was in the middle of answering a serious interview question about gay rights when his phone buzzed. It was the special tone that meant it was one of the people who could always get through: there were about eight of them, no, probably ten now?

Anyway, a glance showed him it was Kris, so he took a quick peek between sentences -- there were a couple of people on that list he wouldn't risk it with, Neil and Brad being most prominent, because you never knew whether they were going to send you a picture of, like, some eleven inch cock or a chicken with two heads.

But anyway, it was Kris, so, safe to glance. And besides, Adam's stomach was still a little torn up over how the whole Rolling Stone thing had come out, because while it wasn't like they'd made anything up out of whole cloth, they'd sure spun the whole Kris thing to sound like something it really wasn't. Mainly. So if Kris was calling him or texting him, he was going to answer right away.

Only maybe Kris wasn't going to stay on the "safe to answer during serious interviews" list, because Adam inhaled his water and had a three minute coughing fit when he read the words in the text window. The coughing spell was probably actually for the best, given that otherwise he'd have to explain why he stopped talking in the middle of a word and couldn't think what came next for a good ten minutes.

Because right there on his phone, innocent and yet not, kind of like Kris, actually: _Kinsey says no such thing 100%. lets go w/99_.

After he'd finished the interview -- he silently thanked the universe for all his experience dealing with distractions in the middle of a performance, because otherwise it never would've worked -- he sat with his phone and tried to figure out how to get back at Kris, because clearly the guy was fucking with him big-time. Not that Adam didn't deserve it, after basically cluing in all of America, or really, hmmm, the world, about his personal Kris fantasies. Sometimes Adam still boggled at the amazingness of the Allens; he figured Katy for one could probably plead justifiable homicide in any court in the land and pretty much skate. And then Kris...well, he was just amazing, that's all.

 _asshole_ , he finally texted back. _choked 2 ways during interview, almost died. probly deservd it tho_.

He waited a few seconds, then grinned and sent a follow-up: _can I quote u on the 1%?_

The text came back immediately: _f u_.

Well, that was a softball if Adam had ever seen one: _u wish_. He stopped to think for a second. Should he? Yeah, fuck, he was who he was, and Kris wouldn't have it any other way. He sent the message.

The response came back immediately. _Still 99% U shld b so lucky oops gotta go_. Adam pretty much couldn't stop grinning the rest of the day.

~ ~ ~

He'd forgotten all about it months later. Things had been grim for Kris; the tabloids had been full of crap about him and Katy. Adam tried to make sure Kris knew he was there if he needed him. He spent a lot of time writing songs with him late into the night, Kris's eyes sometimes red-rimmed. They talked some, whenever Kris wanted to, but more often they just hung out. There were usually too many people around, anyway, but Adam tried to take Kris away from it all sometimes, on a walk somewhere private or to some off-the-beaten-path restaurant where they could sit in a booth.

"I think. I think it's not going to work, man," Kris had finally said one morning when they were eating pancakes at an I-Hop in an enclosed booth, their bodyguards at a table far enough away they couldn't hear anything. "I've tried, and she's tried, but..."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Adam put his hand softly on Kris's shoulder, and Kris just melted, the tension and sorrow kind of released from the muscles of his body all at once.

Kris rested his face on Adam's shoulder. "We're just. We love each other, always will, but it's not the right kind, we've both changed so much, we were so young, and--"

"No one could try harder than you have," Adam said into Kris's hair, heart aching, meaning it with every fiber of his being. "No one. And you always are going to love someone you loved like that. That's good, that's right. That's how me and--"

"You and Brad, duh," Kris said into Adam's jacket. "Uh, sorry, think I screwed up the leather." Kris moved to sit up and Adam grabbed the back of his head and drew him into a real hug, right there in the stupid I-Hop booth. "Fuck the leather."

Kris was still kind of resisting, though, so Adam said, "Kris," as softly and meaningfully as he could, and Kris finally put his arms around Adam and stayed there a really long time, until he could lift his head up and smile a little wavery, but still real.

So anyway, Adam hadn't thought about Kris's silly text, or anything silly at all, for a long time, though after the divorce he knew Kris was trying to date a few people even though his heart wasn't in it. So he was pretty unprepared when one night, off the road and back home with Drake thank _god_ , because Adam was hornier than hell, his phone buzzed with a message from Kris. He didn't even think about not checking it, given who it was, so he just kind of grabbed Drake's head a little tighter with his free hand, because _god_ that was it, right there, it felt--

And that was probably why he made the noise he did, halfway between a laugh and a moan, when he read the text and his blood-deprived brain finally made the connection as to what the hell Kris was talking about: _make that 80%_.

"Ow, fuck! What the--" Drake looked a little pissy, and maybe Adam had yanked on his hair a little hard, even for them, so he quickly saved the text and got back to business, but no, seriously, _what??_

The next day Drake just raised an eloquent eyebrow when he woke Adam and handed him his laptop open to a Perez article hinting broadly -- never naming names -- that a "certain diminutive darling of middle America" might have been seen with some tall guy's hands all over him at a club in WeHo. Though the way it was phrased, hmm, people could easily think it was someone from another season if they didn't read too closely, since Perez was being a bit less bitchily specific than normal. So, okay.

Adam had to have three cups of expresso before he could craft exactly the message he wanted to send back to Kris, though seriously, he really had no clue what that message was.

 _Now ur quiet?_ buzzed through from Kris while Adam was still thinking, and yeah, he was being a pretty shitty friend, so.

He typed and erased about a million different responses, but it was just impossible to figure out what to write; he had no clue what he wanted to say, let alone how to say it. So: _the 20% was fun?_

 _not sure_

So that was easy. Kris needed someone. _talk?_

There was a long pause. _Maybe not right now. thnk u_.

 _always. never thought would say this but be careful_.

 _Ha_.

They didn't talk about it, and Kris kept going out like a man on a mission, face grim at times, but determined-looking. It wasn't much of a surprise to Adam when Kris fell for another blond girl, a smart, nice one, and they became an item. She did ping Adam's radar a little with her black boots and leather mini, not to mention the studded band around Kris's wrist that matched hers. He'd had kind of that feeling about Katy, actually, like if she got a little older and more experienced she might dig bossing a guy around in bed a little.

Adam figured that whole other thing had been just some sort of experiment. The tabloids had forgotten about it completely, and no one had believed them anyway, but Adam did still have the text saved. Occasionally he'd look at it: _80%_. He didn't think about what Kris might have done to figure that one out. Didn't think about it at all. Probably it was one of those things involving lots of alcohol, never replicable again.

~ ~ ~

Things had been getting pretty fucked up with Drake for a long time, and Adam knew it was mainly him, because Drake was a sweetheart, and smart and talented and hot and really great in bed, exactly what Adam liked, but somehow, no, it just wasn't working.

Adam pretty much figured he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. Well, not alone actually, but alone in the way that mattered, and of course karmically it could make sense, given how fucking successful his career was and how he was living his dream, so he figured maybe he was doomed in his personal life. His greatest fear was getting old with no one who actually cared about him: _him_ him, not Adam Lambert the star, but, whatever, his other greatest fear was having to go back to musicals or headlining a show in Vegas, so.

But in the meantime, sure, once Drake left, he'd fuck his way through Hollywood and all of America, because he was still young, and gather ye rosebuds while ye may, etcetera. He'd been really good for a really long time, for him, and why not take advantage if only for a while of being a star and everything that came with it. Aside from the guys, there were so many females throwing themselves at him he figured what the hell, it would just make his stuff sell better so fuck it, and he picked pretty much at random, a sweet brown-eyed woman, and even managed to actually fuck her. He wasn't a total dick about it; he made sure she had no illusions and was a little older than him and probably not insane. He certainly didn't do it just so he could text Kris later that night: _10% str8_.

 _bs_ came back so fast Adam could only laugh out loud, because yeah, it pretty much was.

 _busted_ he sent back after a few minutes. _tried tho. better est 99% not str8_.

There was a really long silence, and Adam started getting kind of worried or something, though he wasn't really sure why. His phone buzzed and he looked at it. He had to look away and take a deep breath because, whoa: _at 50% here_. So the gossip sites had been right about Kris breaking up with whatever-her-name-was (he actually knew it, it was Melanie and she was smart and hot and nice, and probably did a good job if Kris wanted her to be not-nice); Kris hadn't mentioned the breakup to him, though.

Apparently the tabloids had been right about at least some of the other stuff, too; there'd been a flareup of stuff about Kris again recently, men stuff.

A lot of time must have gone by, because it startled Adam a little when the phone buzzed again. _Adam?_ He could totally hear Kris's voice saying that, using his actual name, which when he did it meant something, and it would be quiet and unsure, and that was just, no.

 _always here, whatever ur %. thinking, sorry_.

 _back at u_.

 _talk?_ Adam's stomach felt kind of fluttery and he wasn't sure he really wanted to for some reason he couldn't figure out, but if that was what Kris needed...

 _txt now. 2 hard talk even 2 u_

 _it's ok me 2. U went all the way sweetie?_ Adam bit his lip because that was awfully personal, and had he actually called Kris that before? Or would it seem like--But maybe Kris wanted to talk about it. Or hey, he could be one of those guys -- there were a lot of them actually -- who didn't do that, kept it oral or hands, nothing wrong with that, so should he change the question?

There was still silence, so Adam bit his lip and wrote, _sorry, only thought u might want talk about it. I did first time 21 and was 20 b4 even bj from guy. i told u already?_

 _hinted_

Before Adam could respond, another text came in. _done everything now all ways kind of verstle I think actlly kinda confused_.

 _Ur doing fine bb_ Adam's chest felt tight. _u want me 2 come over?_

The silence lasted a really, really long time. Oh shit, Adam hadn't meant anything, just figured Kris might need a friend: _as friend_.

More silence. Fuck. That'd been stupid to spell that out. Of course it was as a friend. What else could it be; Adam wasn't--and Kris had never-- _of course_ , he sent. Adam actually hit himself on the forehead, because in text, that looked even stupider than it sounded in his head. He sent, _fuck!_ And actually, hmm, that sounded even more idiotic, really; he was in an endless cycle here of stupidity, so...

 _IDIOT SHUT UP_ came through in all caps, and Adam laughed out loud, startling himself a little. And then, after a while: _advice?_

And wow, that was pretty amazing, because Kris meant it, and if there ever was a time to pull his head out of his ass and give the best advice possible, this was it. Seriously, whoa.

 _okay. Try everything at lst once. different types guys. try not give hart too soon. no cameras watch out phones_. And then, because he couldn't help it even though it was hopelessly dorky: _condoms always, sorry_.

 _k_

Adam felt like there was something more to say, but couldn't figure out what it was. There was something wrong with his throat, so he was glad he didn't actually have to talk, but could just enter symbols here in the dark. He did wonder, though: _u still like girls?_

 _dude_

 _right, duh_. Of course Kris still liked girls, but that wasn't exactly what Adam had wondered, he supposed, though why he should care whether--

 _whether/what/future, i dont know_.

 _doing fine plenty time_

There was silence again, then a final-sounding buzz. _thank u everything whole heart_.

 _heart back at u_ Adam sent, and then bit his lip, staring at the screen for a long, long time in the echoing quiet of his house.

~~~

They never talked about it, but even though Adam had worried a little, things didn't get weird. They'd been friends so long, or their friendship was forged so deeply, nothing extraneous really mattered. From the first time they'd shared quiet confessions and passion about music in their stupid room in the Idol Mansion, there'd just been something easy about them. It was Kris, mainly, because he was so laid-back, yet really deep, all at the same time. And sure, some of it was him, because Adam in fact had a lot more to him than surface appearances might indicate, so it worked between them. After everything they'd been through together, little things weren't going to come between them. And at this point, pretty much everything was little.

Katy remarried, and Adam rubbed Kris's back that night while he threw up after the reception; Kris'd been drinking like a champ all day. He picked Kris up when he called him late the next night from some dive apartment in Pasadena, no questions asked, scent of some guy's cologne all over him, angry glint in his eyes. "Did someone--?" Adam asked, voice a little choked, hands balled into fists.

"Nah. Nothing like that." Kris leaned his head on the passenger window. "Can we not--?"

"Sure." Adam dropped Kris off at his place and that was that, that's what they were like, always there for each other.

Adam called Kris when some twink he'd been seeing took an overdose when he broke it off; Kris took one look at him, sitting rigid in the waiting room of the hospital, and within minutes Adam had coffee, Valium, and a full report from the doctor, who said everything was going to be all right.

Kris poured Adam into his bed that night, then slept on his sofa. When Adam woke up, Kris was gone, but there were whole grain muffins and fresh orange juice and a cold omelet waiting for him.

That night, Kris texted him very, very late. _u alone?_

 _yeah_

 _figured some stuff out_

 _share?_ Adam wasn't really sure he wanted to hear it, but, this was Kris, so: there for him.

There was nothing for a long time, and Adam could kind of feel Kris gathering his courage. And man, the guy had it in spades: _i like guys mainly kinda toppy but who can switch sometimes, not 2 srs bout that crap. plus everything else i always want of course_.

 _big dicks?_ Adam felt kind of weird, like someone had shot adrenaline into his veins or something, and only after he sent it, realized it might not have been such a good idea.

 _asshole. smart funny kind creative courage_.

Adam bit his lip. Another text came through: _though wouldn't turn it down. them._

 _smart creative courage talent heart_ , Adam texted back quickly before he could chicken out.

There was silence. Adam wasn't going to do it, he wasn't going to share what Kris probably already knew anyway, he just--Oh, hell, Kris had, so what the flying fuck. He hit the keys and sent quickly, before he could reconsider: _i like mainly kinda bottomy, but not in rl only bed, can switch round when mood right and give me shit when need it, sense humor_. He sent it with his eyes closed, then immediately sent, _oh shit_.

 _yeah, oh shit. But--_ Adam could hear his heart racing in his ears, because shit, shit, shit. But there was no way, and obviously Kris knew that, with the "but" at the end, so, yeah, only one thing to say back:

 _yeah, but--_ Adam could almost feel Kris smiling through the ether; he hoped Kris could feel Adam's energy back at him.

 _okay then_ back from Kris, _see u tomorrow recording gonna be sick_

 _yeah it is. ok, tomorrow_.

And it _was_ great: they'd finally bowed to the wishes of various fans and producers and were recording something together, a song they'd co-written over the past year or so. Adam didn't even worry about things being weird, because at this point, weird was kind of what they were, so, whatever. Kris smiled at him perfectly normally when Adam walked in a little late, and they sang their duet and knocked it out of the park on the third try, and the producers beamed at them like they knew it was going platinum, which it definitely was. They didn't talk about the texts, and everything was fine. Nothing had changed at all.

~ ~ ~

Only maybe things had changed a little, or it was just time, because after a couple of months, Adam's mom said, "I'm proud of you, honey. Always am, but I was getting a little worried for a while."

Adam must have looked puzzled, because she smiled her most mommish smile. "The drugs, the drinking, the different guy every night? The, uh, interesting places..."

Adam's face felt hot and he chewed his romaine carefully. "Uh. Sorry."

His mom leaned over the table and said quietly, "You're at the time in your life to do that, figure things out, get stuff out of your system. So long as you're careful; you're always careful sweetie, right?"

Adam nodded. "I promised you, 'member?"

His mom smiled, but she wasn't done. "And you started later than a lot, I know that. It's just...good to see you taking better care of yourself a little the past couple of months. That's all." She smiled one of her secret smiles and ordered chocolate ice cream for him, and Adam didn't think more of it until that night, lying in bed alone again. Which, okay that, right there? It really had been a while since he'd spent more than a night or two alone; there'd been a never-ending series of guys in this bed, or Adam in theirs. Or not even beds, but walls, alleys and even one time, god, a car in some parking garage. What had he been thinking? That wasn't who he was, not really.

He spent the next few days cleaning up his house, throwing out crappy porn (he kept some of the good stuff) and anything harder than weed, and even that, he put away for special occasions only. He dumped out most of the hard liquor and got out his yoga mat and weights, bought some plants from a nursery and stuck them in niches in the house. He still went out and drank and danced and flirted, but he didn't bring anyone home, didn't go home with anyone. He could have; he wasn't acting insane any more, and there was nothing wrong with it, but he just...didn't feel like it right now. Instead he put some time into the AIDs foundation he and Kris and Katy had founded -- they'd agreed a long time ago that it needed to go on regardless of whatever was happening for each of them -- and did some writing on a song that might work for the upcoming fundraiser. It felt...good. Peaceful.

Kris had been with a serious boyfriend, David, for quite a while; he pretty much matched Kris's description of his perfect guy so far as Adam could tell. Adam had had all of his friends and acquaintances check him out, and everything came back okay, though some people said he really wasn't that bright or even creative, but hey, if he was giving Kris what he needed right now, great. And Kris did seem happy, snugged up against David's side still looking kind of dazed by the whole thing, but pretty happy. David never treated Kris with less than respect and care, which was good, because, well, it was good.

Part of him wanted to go back to cruising and clubbing and drugging, but most of him was glad about who he was now. It wasn't like he'd cleaned up his act because of Kris or anything; it had been past time for him to do it for himself.

When Kris texted him one night, months into Adam's new leaf, saying he'd broken up with David, Adam just felt sad for Kris; it was like he'd finally reached some kind of zen with everything. _sorry_ , he texted back right away, _wanna talk?_

 _nah. thnk u. if i can't sleep, can i use key & come to ur sofa?_

Adam smiled. _y even asking?_

 _:)_

Adam fell asleep smiling.

When his phone buzzed at three in the morning, he rolled over and looked at it, bleary. _u awake?_

 _am now_ he wrote back. _jesus 3 a.m. where r u?_

There was no answer for a while. Just as Adam was about to fall asleep again, eyes drooping, a message came through. _why you cleaned up ur act?_

Adam was suddenly wide awake. He closed his eyes. He didn't really want to think about that question, let alone answer it.

 _adam?_

 _don't want to be that guy_. Shit, that was too easy. _wait_ , he texted right away. _looking for my balls_.

A weird noise penetrated the wall of his bedroom. It sounded like muffled laughter. Adam frowned. _where r u?_

 _on ur sofa_

 _asshole_

 _yeah. why adam?_

 __Adam swallowed. His chest felt tight and his eyes were stinging a little. God, he didn't want to fuck this up, the best thing he'd ever had -- the music, the talking, the laughter, the unconditional friendship. He looked around his bedroom, thought about all the one-night stands and failed relationships, all the empty spots on the wall where there should be photos of happy times with someone special. He thought about percentages and odds and how fragile things between people really were. He wrote, _4 me_.

He looked at his empty walls again and took a deep breath and wrote, _but also in case u..._ He sent it, heart pounding. It wasn't much, but it was the best he could do; it'd taken pretty much everything to write that. _y u broke up David?_ he added, since he'd pretty much already laid it out there anyway.

 _u know y_

Adam felt hot, then cold. He was having a hard time getting air. _adam?_

 _sorry fainting like girl_ Adam sent back.

Okay, yeah, that was definitely Kris's laugh through the wall.

 _get in here asshole?_ Adam sent, then quickly reconsidered. _wait. r u sure?_

 _life=nothing 100%. 99% tho, yeah man. u?_

Adam took a deep breath and sent off some vibes of gratitude to the universe. _99% babe. crying_.

 _course you r. Me 2 tho in manlier way. Only 99% if sex is awesome tho. caveat_

Adam gasped out a sort-of laugh, sort-of sob. _f u_

 _mmm promise?_

"Oh my god, Allen, get your ass in here!" Adam yelled, somehow laughing and kind of crying at the same time.

And Kris did.

~ ~ ~

The End  



End file.
